Before and After

Godmother Teacher and Godfather Engineer are expecting their first baby.

Husband and I are VERY excited, as they are our closest friends and we didn't think they would be having any children. When Little Man was born, we handled the transition pretty smoothly with them: you know, finding the balance between spending time with adult friends as a parent. Of course, they love Little Man very much, so that made it easier. But I am excited that they are becoming parents too, because it adds a whole new level to the friendship.

We recently spent an afternoon with them, discussing OBGYNs and hospital tours, baby registries and the progression of Godmother Teacher's pregnancy. As usual, I was amused that once you become pregnant, and after you have a baby, that it becomes perfectly natural to discuss things like dilation and epidurals over lunch.

They were full of questions that, because they didn't have children when I had Little Man, they hadn't thought to ask at his birth. And so I spent a good part of the afternoon talking about my false alarms in the hospital, the contractions that started a month before Little Man made his arrival, how I knew when I was actually in labor, what an epidural was really like, and the classes we took prior to his birth. I tried to recount the experience as honestly as I could without scaring the crap out of the mom-to-be, who is in the "I don't know nothing 'bout birthing no babies" phase of pregnancy--I phase I so fondly remember being in myself:



She kept repeating to us, "It can't be that bad, because people wouldn't go back and have a second one!" And I agreed with her. Labor and delivery wasn't as bad as many people told me it would be. There were plenty of aspects of it I'm not eager to repeat any time soon, and a couple of specific moments I would avoid going through again at all costs. But over all? Not the screaming hours of agony TV often depicts.

"Does being around the pregnant lady make you want another baby?" Husband asked me after they left. I glanced at my own 'baby', who was running laps around the apartment and throwing balls, and grinned.

"More nostalgic," I answered. And that was the truth. I remember very well the feeling of being pregnant, the anxious and excited anticipation, the ultrasounds and doctor visits, hearing the heartbeat. The showers and the shopping, washing all those teeny-tiny clothes for the first time and putting them away on equally tiny hangers. The kicks from the inside, the crazy cravings, squeezing into maternity clothes. Making an effort to go on dates and focus on Husband, have quiet moments with him, with the knowledge that soon it won't be like this. The before.

And the after: the first moment your child is in the world, the first time he smiles, laughs, makes eye contact. The sheer exhaustion of being a new parent that makes you feel drunk all the time. The deep sleep that can only come from having an infant on your chest. The rapid movement of time, so that one day you look up and you realize your baby is a month away from two years old, even though the start of his life seems like yesterday.

Our friends did not take expanding their family lightly. I know it was a decision they thought about for a long time. It has been a pleasure knowing them before--and I can't wait to know them after.