In our culture, it is polite to see someone, say, in the local grocery store and say, "Hi! How are you?"
To which the person will answer, "Hi yourself! I'm good!" or "Well, hey, I'm hanging in there" or maybe even "Oh, I'm getting by, you know, one day at a time." All of these are acceptable answers. The point is, the person asking is not looking for an in-depth answer. It's just what you say.
I understand this practice and have adhered to it for many years. However, I have recently found it impossible to stick with a short, simple answer when asked how I am. I realize that the asker is probably not looking for all the details I'm sharing, but I just can't help myself. For example:
"Hi," says the innocent passer-by. "Look at that belly! How are you?"
"Hi!" I answer back. "I'm good. My belly, can you believe how big it's gotten? I've gained 15 pounds and it all seemed to happen overnight. Isn't that crazy? I can't believe I still have over three months to go! It seems like such a long time, but at the same time, I know it's no time at all. I still have so much to do--we haven't even started on the nursery, when we moved into our new place all the stuff we didn't have an immediate home for got put in there, now it's wall to wall stuff and I'm too big to heave the boxes around. And we still have to paint, and then actually set up all the baby stuff...but that can wait until after the shower. We FINALLY got our registry straightened out...did I tell you the store deleted the whole thing after husband and I spent hours roaming around the store with that little scanner gun thing? It was so stressful. And then there's the cat--we thought he was over his whole bathtub fascination now that we've moved but then just yesterday I found him in the bathtub, lounging in the leftover water from my shower...apparently no one has told the cat how hard it is to get down on your hands and knees and clean cat hair out of a tub when you're six months pregnant. And I had to clean it out right then because I take baths every night...it helps lift the baby off my spine. He likes sitting on my spine and the sciatic nerve pain is awful. I think I'm stuck with the sciatic nerve pain because the baby is sitting so low...although he has been moving up, I guess he has to now that he's getting bigger, he's just running out of room in there. I can't fathom putting on 15 more pounds, can you imagine? Three more months to go...It seems like such a long time but at the same time, I know it's no time at all. But I've already said that, haven't I? So, tell me, how are you?"
"Uh...I'm fine," the person mumbles, and takes my momentary pause to escape out of whatever exit is closest. Because they know I'm just catching my breath, and if they stick around, I'll keep talking.
Then I'm embarrassed, because I realize I have morphed into a little old southern woman at her hairdresser. But that still doesn't keep me from running my mouth over and over and over. When my mom calls me at lunchtime, I regale her with how my belly button is so close to popping out but hasn't yet. When I visit my sister-in-law, I explain in detail about our birth plan. And my poor husband...when he comes home after a 12 or 14 hour day, and asks me what I did with my day, I tell him. I tell him how the baby was kicking that morning, what music I played for baby while I ate my breakfast (and what I ate), exactly which outfits I tried on before I found one that I liked, the exact route I drove to run my errands and my commentary on the people I encountered while out, where the cat was waiting for me when I came home, how many trips I took up the stairs, precisely what I cleaned and when I took breaks during the cleaning...and on and on. Bless his heart, he sits and listens to the minutiae of my day, every day, even when I repeat myself.
I have noticed this in other pregnant women, and with moms when asked about their children or their pregnancies. Perhaps it's because when you're pregnant, or raising a kid, there is no simple answer to, "how are you?" There is always something changing, or growing, or doing something new and exciting. So small-talkers beware: if you're in a hurry, try and look very busy, give a smile and wave, and say, "hi! You look great! Lets catch up soon!"
Because if you ask how we are doing, we'll tell you. And we have a lot to say.
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