About a week ago we had our first warm day of the year. My husband and I were driving around town and everywhere we looked, people were out enjoying the weather: jogging with their dogs, riding bikes, or taking walks with their families. I began to notice a pattern--all the little boys I saw were carrying big sticks.
I commented on this to my husband. He raised his eyebrow at me and said, "that's what little boys do."
"What do they do with them?"
"Hit trees. Or the side of the house. Or each other." He seemed so very matter-of-fact about it, and I felt a little silly for not previously realizing that little boys play with big sticks.
"Why?"
Husband went on to explain that the sticks were merely a starting point, and from there they moved on to things like pirate swords and light sabers. Now, pirate swords and light sabers I can see, and for a moment I lost myself in a mini-fantasy about bringing my son to Disney World and getting him a cute little Captain Jack Sparrow costume and letting him run amok in the Magic Kingdom. Grudgingly, I dragged myself out of what is not the first Disney-related daydream, and got back to the matter at hand. Sticks, hmmm. I thought about this for a few days, and asked all of the men I came across if they played with sticks when they were little. All of them answered with a resounding yes--and one even admitted to still finding himself a stick to carry around when he went to the park with his fiance.
This is not the first time I had thoughts about the differences in little boy and little girl playthings. Now, I know that it is important to be gender neutral and supply our son with a wide range of toys to play with. I've read the studies, the books, and the articles that talk about gender neutrality and the chemical differences between the male and female brain (I still don't know where I fall on all that, and it's another blog entirely). I do think (and this is a sweeping generalization) that overall, stereotypes are correct. When I taught preschool, I had a class that was completely divided: 6 boys and 6 girls. And if left to their own devices, girls would sit and color and boys would get the tonka trucks and run stuffed animals over. That was quite a class, remind me to tell you about it later.
My point is, I'm a girl. I know what little girls do. I don't think I ever picked up a stick for the sake of whacking something. I like arts and crafts. I like princess movies. I like playing tea party. What on earth am I going to do with a little boy?
Luckily, my husband is allllll over this. I am currently being trained in the fine art of transformers--decepticons vs. autobots, how to fit all those little parts together to make the monster robot turn into a bad ass truck, and I even have my own transformer. He transforms into a toaster. If I get annoyed with you, I will whip out my toaster and make him growl at you. Be very afraid.
I am fairly well versed in football, but heaven help me if my son decides he likes basketball or soccer. I still have a very girly reaction to those games--aren't they just running back and forth? I sorta know my pokemon characters, and I do a mean Bulbasaur impersonation. I still get the Star Wars movies mixed up with each other, and I don't think I'll ever truly understand the Matrix movies.
It is easy for me to get worked up about the myriad of boy things I want to learn before our son arrives. Then I think hey, why worry--I'll just find him a big stick and let his imagination take over.
My best advice on boy vs. girl- or any other parenting concern- grow the tree you've got. My son loves pink and baby dolls. *shrugs* So maybe he's a nurturer. Of course, that doesn't stop him from hitting trees with sticks. :D And all those things you don't know about yet- they might not ever be an issue. You'll be a great mom; you're obviously invested in your child's welfare and development and based on the amount of research you've already said you've done, you'll have no problem learning whatever he needs you to know.
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