Children of Shoe Makers and Doctors

I have spent most of my professional career and volunteer time working with children. I love working with kids, and I'm good at it. I'd much rather be put in charge of a room full of noisy toddlers than have to give a power point presentation in a board room. I'm good at soothing, and it's not uncommon for people I do not know well to hand their over children to me. I never mind. My husband says I have a way with kids, and I like that. I've potty trained multiple children, I can make a toddler friendly recipe out of whatever is in your fridge, and I can talk mom lingo with the best of them--the best baby friendly shows, tactics on getting a little one to sleep, and the pros and cons about huggies vs. pampers. I'm not stressed out about registering for our baby boy, because I already have experience and opinions about most baby products. But still...

There's a saying that shoe maker's children always go without shoes, and doctor's children are always sick. So what does that mean for my kid?

I have tried to express this fear to a couple of people, and I always get immediately brushed off: "oh, stop. You're going to be a great mother!" And I appreciate that sentiment. But it doesn't stop me from wondering--how am I going to handle it when, at the end of the day, there's no parent to pick up the baby and give me a break because the baby belongs to me?

Of course, I have a secret weapon that most mommies-to-be don't have, and that is super-husband. I know that when I reach the end of my rope, he'll be there to catch me. And we'll have help, I know, from the very excited grandparents, aunts, uncles and godparents. This little boy already has a posse of people who love him like crazy.

But at 2 AM when I can't sleep and these irrational fears creep up on me, I worry: what will I do with this little man when we're one-on-one? Will I have the same touch with my son when he's been screaming for hours that I do with the children I've cared for in the past? One of the things that has always frustrated me about being a nanny was that I had to uphold the rules (or lack thereof) the parents had set down. But now I see that was actually an easy out--it's much simpler to tell a four-year-old she can't have a cookie because those are mommy's rules when you're not mommy.

I could go on forever about my fears of parenthood. However, I found a little poem tonight that made me smile, and feel a little better about bringing a new life into the world. Here's to making mistakes that my son won't even notice:

Relax, my dear. Your little elf
Is just an amateur himself.
So if your hands, so newly filled
With tasks, seem somewhat less than skilled,
Relax. Your babe will never know
That you are learning as you go
Or that you're new to Mother lore.
He's never had a mom before.